


Heartlines

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A slightly angsty jaunt for our command team in the weeks after Endgame.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Mizvoy for the VAMB 2012 Secret Summer exchange. Her request was for a Post-Endgame story, but one where the reader feels sorry for Seven.
> 
> Thank you to audabee for the read through and to Corinna and Kim J for their betaing excellence. Hugs to you all.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from the Florence and the Machine song of the same name – I listened to the album many times during the writing of this story.

The crowded ground shuttle swayed and tilted as it rounded another corner; the resulting inertia pressed Kathryn against the cool duranium siding and sill.

She made a count of two before the predictable chorus of awestruck gasps filled the cabin and, gritting her teeth, she bit back the urge to contribute a heartfelt expletive from the extensive list running in a constant loop through her head.

Why in god’s name had she let Phoebe talk her into this?

She glared at her reflection in the window; a pair of angry blue eyes stared back at her.

God damn it!

In an effort to find a measure of calm, she closed her eyes in a slow blink before refocussing her gaze on the scenery outside her window.

Lush green jungle formed a dense canopy over the track and it hugged the vehicle closely on both sides as they sped towards their destination. Every so often, a wayward branch or palm frond would slap against Kathryn’s window making her blink and jump. Her reaction, she grudgingly admitted, gave credence to the Doctor’s assertion that her frayed nerves were not simply a figment of his imagination.

She squinted as bright flashes of late afternoon sunlight strobed through gaps in the treetops and, in the spaces between the broad trunks, she caught the occasional glimpse of an absurdly blue ocean shimmering in the distance.

The holo-postcard backdrop of snow-capped mountains completed the picture.

It was exactly what the brochure claimed it would be – a verdant and picturesque paradise – but that didn’t stop the bitter tang of irritation thinning her lips and deepening her scowl. Frustration oozed from every pore and her tight-shouldered hunch was intended to repel any attempt at idle conversation.

Enduring another refrain of gasps and sighs, she raked her fingers through her hair before crossing her arms and slumping a little lower in her seat. She was desperate to keep a lid on her brewing anger but the battle had long been lost.

She huffed again and despite adding a melodramatic sigh to the growing catalogue of negative expressions, she was well aware that no amount of huffing and grinding of teeth would improve her situation or her mood.

She hadn’t felt this miserable or out of sorts in years.

And it was all Phoebe’s fault.

Risa, the Pleasure Planet.

How was that for a cosmic joke?

Granted, it was aptly named but it was the last place in the universe she wanted to be. It ranked right up there with the bubbling sulphur pits of Gamma Hydra III, the blistering sand drifts and sludge swamps of Rigel VII and of course – top of the list – the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant.

If she’d had any choice in the matter, she’d be at home in Indiana, curled up in front of the fire in her mother’s living room, wallowing in misery and plotting revenge for every real and imagined personal affront she’d endured over the last seven years. It was pretty simple – certainly not rocket science – but, thanks to her sister’s meddling, instead of being allowed to indulge in her solitary pity-fest, she was here *having fun in the sun* on Risa. An angry growl rumbled through her chest.

She should have stood firm and told Phoebe to _back off_ , but she’d weakened and succumbed to her sister’s armchair psychology and then allowed herself to be bullied into buying this package holiday – another thing she’d sworn she’d never do.

So here she was trapped on this Risan tour shuttle with a horde of overly enthusiastic strangers decked out in their gaudy leisure suits topped with a flotilla of garish coloured sunhats.

She shifted a little in her seat and risked casting her eyes over her immediate surrounds before ducking her head back down, tortoise-like and huddling low to avoid any accidental social contact.

Someone at the back of the shuttle was trying to organise a sing-a-long but mercifully, no one seemed inclined to join in. Most of the holidaymakers were too preoccupied with the passing scenery. The constant drone of ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ battled with the incessant click and whirr of holo-imagers that dangled from thick necks and plump wrists and were whipped out like phasers at a shoot out at each bend in the road and every glimpse of ocean.

As far as Kathryn was concerned, it was a living nightmare.

She was so tempted to abandon the whole enterprise, and had visions of herself executing a textbook tuck-and-roll as she leapt from the moving vehicle before hightailing it back to the shuttleport and booking passage on the first ship heading off planet. Only the thought of facing Phoebe’s triumphant crowing and her mother’s disappointment kept her butt firmly planted in its seat. She refused to return home and admit defeat. She still had her pride – well, at least the tattered remnants of it.

Grim determination pushed her a little higher in her seat but after casting a furtive glance at the man sitting next to her, she felt her resolve falter. His garish plaid jumpsuit, ballooning belly and raucous wheezing laugh were enough to make her reconsider. Add to that his irritating habit of nudging her with his elbow every few moments as though she were privy to some secret shared joke, had her teetering on the brink of punching him in his bulbous, burst-sausage nose.

What was the adage – “discretion was the better part of valour”? Running away was a valid option but she’d made a promise and she was a woman of her word.

For now.

Besides, just because she was here didn’t mean she was obliged to take part in the festivities or enjoy herself. She’d brought plenty of reading material with her – the equivalent of half a cargo container full of technical and teaching manuals. They would keep her occupied and also ensure that she was up to speed for start of term in her new position at the Academy.

Thoughts of her new job provoked another pang of annoyance, exacerbating her scowl.

Teaching at the Academy wasn’t quite what she had envisaged for herself on her return from the Delta Quadrant. She’d assumed she would be offered another command but Starfleet brass had made it abundantly clear that captaining another vessel was not an option. According to her superiors, she’d _‘paid her dues’_ , _‘gone above and beyond the call of duty’_ and it was now time for her to _‘take a well-earned break and reap the rewards of an outstanding frontline career’_ – their words, not hers.

They’d forced the Admiral’s pips onto her collar before shoving her into the hastily created Academy chair of ‘Delta Quadrant Studies and Slipstream Technology’. She had the distinct feeling that they were cutting their losses to ensure that there was no chance of her losing another one of their precious starships. Well, that’s how she saw it anyway.

The sting in the tail was that Voyager was also off limits for the foreseeable future; all their acquired technological enhancements had been left in situ to be studied before they were to be disassembled. They expected the project to take many months, perhaps even years, which meant her beloved ship would never be hers again.

Of course, her promotion and appointment had nothing to do with the fact that Voyager’s unexpected odyssey had generated teraquads of unique and invaluable data and that she was the most qualified person to interpret and teach it.

No siree, it had nothing to do with that, at all.

She huffed again, annoyed with herself and her constant state of ill temper. It was unlike her to be so dismal and mean-spirited but since Voyager had touched down she’d become churlish, humourless and very ‘glass half empty’, and she couldn’t understand why.

That thought generated another internal eye roll and a not-so-silent snort of derision. She knew why; she’d been thwarted and there was nothing Kathryn Janeway hated more than being thwarted.

She’d had a plan – a dream – and it had all gone to hell in a hand basket. Her secret and heartfelt, “ _read foolish and indulgent, she thought cynically_ ” vision for her future – a life with Chakotay whilst she continued to explore the galaxy as Voyager’s captain – had been the tantalising pot of gold at the end of the Delta Quadrant rainbow.

Thoughts of it had kept her focussed and strong but as so often happens, it turned out to be an unattainable goal – a sad delusion. Her myopic view of life, all those years of maintaining protocol and keeping herself aloof as she steadfastly stuck to Starfleet’s almighty principles had netted her sweet nothing and in the end, there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. Seven years of building castles in the air and all she’d achieved was to finish up alone. She’d been a fool but it was no more than she deserved for taking him and his feelings for granted for so long.

And to make matters worse, now that she was back under Starfleet’s wing, she found herself struggling to find her place. She was no longer the king pin – or queen pin if one wanted to be pedantic. After seven years of being answerable only to herself and to the rules as she interpreted them, she was once again part of the ‘machine’ – just another cog in a cumbersome bureaucratic wheel – one of many cogs and a rather insignificant one at that.

She had no idea that she would find the transition so difficult and was annoyed with herself for not being more _adaptable_. She huffed at the notion of Starfleet as a somewhat less cybernetically enhanced and malevolent version of the Borg Collective. She could almost see Admiral Hayes telling her that ‘resistance was futile’. But no matter how professional or accommodating they had been in couching their request/order, she still felt as though she’d been railroaded.

For one blissful moment, she’d toyed with the idea of refusing her promotion and professorship by telling them precisely what she thought of their ‘gracious’ job offer, accompanied by a colourful addendum describing in excruciating detail where they could stick it.

It would have felt spectacularly good but at the same time, it would have been a grievous mistake. Now was not the time to burn bridges and when she took a step back and looked at her situation with an objective eye, she wasn’t sure she wanted or needed to go back into space so soon after Voyager’s return.

Once the smoke had cleared, she’d asked herself a few very telling questions. Would she have accepted another command if they’d offered her one or was her nose simply out of joint because they’d refused point-blank to consider it? She had enough insight to know the answer to both – yes, she was peeved not to have been asked, but when push came to shove, no, she wouldn’t have taken another command. Her mother would have been heartbroken to see her go off world again and it would have been as painful for Kathryn to leave Gretchen so soon after being reunited.

The sad truth being, she was in dire need of some time away from the stress and responsibility of command. The years of unrelenting decision making coupled with the constant demands of maintaining the imperturbable officer-in-charge facade, buffering heart and soul against the emotional onslaught of Voyager’s various, and oftentimes, terrifying adventures had taken their toll. She wasn’t so foolish as to underestimate the impact that those seven years had wrought on her psychological wellbeing.

_But Risa?!_

She rolled her eyes as a slight change of view triggered another chorus of braying sighs and whirring clicks from her fellow vacationers.

Phoebe was so going to pay for this.

The tour shuttle arrived at the resort at last. Again, the brochure hadn’t lied. It was impressive, in a monolithic kind of way. Constructed from local stone in a sort of faux-ziggurat style, with a number of terraced levels stepping up the hillside overlooking the bay. The foyer was huge but cluttered with palm trees and ‘green’ paraphernalia interspersed with abstract wall hangings and gigantic floral arrangements.

It was also overrun by an unending parade of extraordinarily attractive, semi-clad individuals. The Risans were renowned for their physical beauty but this was bordering on the ridiculous. How on Earth could this be good for a person’s self esteem? Not only did Kathryn feel cranky and maudlin, now she felt old and frumpy as well. So far, Phoebe’s ‘good medicine’ had missed its mark by veritable light years.

Kathryn cringed as a mealy-mouthed concierge began weaving his way towards her through the throng of Adonises and beauty queens. His feet seemed to hover above the ground as he swooped down upon her. She braced herself as he invaded her personal space, his face splitting into an obsequious grin as he greeted her, “Welcome, welcome, Admiral Janeway. We have been looking forward to your arrival with great anticipation.”

She reeled back a step as he gave a fawning half bow and then snapped his fingers ordering an impossibly handsome bellhop to take her luggage. To complete the ridiculous charade, he ushered her in a series of sweeping gestures towards the lifts.

The whole scenario was almost laughable, except that Kathryn had left her sense of humour in her other bag.

As she approached the lift, she could see herself in the polished elevator doors – her image misshapen and askew – and she couldn’t help thinking that it was a pretty accurate reflection of how she felt.

The doors opened and the concierge made a great show of waving her into the spacious vestibule. Once the doors slid shut, he turned to her, mewling in his sibilant singsong voice, “Admiral Janeway, Risan Sunrise Resorts and Retreats are _so_ honoured to welcome you to our humble establishment. My staff and I are at your disposal and happy to cater to your every whim. Please contact us at any time – day or night – should you wish for _anything_. Your sister has arranged for you our premium penthouse suite and your _friend_ has already arrived.”

 _Friend?!_ Oh my God! What the hell had Phoebe done?!

Kathryn tried not to look too horrified – and felt she did a fair to middling job of it – but she still stammered, “F-f-friend?”

“Yes,” The concierge sidled closer and whispered conspiratorially, “A very attractive gentleman with an intriguing facial tattoo.”

“ _Chakotay?!”_ She choked out.

She hadn’t been speaking to the concierge but he answered anyway.

“Yes, that is the gentleman’s name. He was _very_ anxious to see you and asked to be notified the moment you arrived. I have sent word.”

Kathryn blinked twice before she could get her eyes to refocus. Damn Phoebe and her interfering, ham-fisted attempts at matchmaking.

Her feelings for Chakotay were her deepest darkest secret and only after weeks of unrelenting prodding and poking, had she weakened and shared her troubled thoughts. She’d told Phoebe in the strictest of confidence that she was in love with her first officer and made her pinkie-swear to never tell a soul, but by the look of things, her sister was just as trustworthy as she had been as a teenager – i.e. not at all.

“I’m sure he will be _very_ pleased to see you.” The simpering concierge’s smile broadened and his eyes flashed with innuendo.

Kathryn’s lip curled but she kept a tight lid on her temper. It wouldn’t do to maim the hotel staff – she would reserve any maiming for Phoebe when she got home.

How dare her sister stick her nose in where it wasn’t wanted!

Kathryn had been prepared to sit here for the next ten days, study her books and, in the quieter moments, come to some sort of resolution over Chakotay’s loss and the drastic change of direction her life had taken over the last few weeks. But thanks to Phoebe’s meddling, it looked as though she now had to spend her time counselling and consoling her heartbroken ex-first officer.

News of his breakup with Seven had spread like wildfire through the ranks of Voyager’s returnees and no one seemed at all surprised that the brief and odd-couple relationship had come to an inauspicious end. However, the last thing she wanted or needed was to have to nurse Chakotay through the fallout while she was still dealing with her own heartache.

Once again she’d become the butt of one of life’s cruel jokes. How on earth was she supposed to come to terms with her own emotional baggage whilst she was lugging around someone else’s?

Damn Phoebe! Damn Chakotay! And damn her life – it was just so goddamned unfair sometimes!

While she was busy having her mini-tantrum and churning over all of life’s miserable trip ups and tangles, they’d arrived at the penthouse and the concierge was ushering her along a short corridor to a large ornate doorway. He keyed it open and with a grand flourish, pushed the doors wide.

Kathryn took a step back and squinted. It was an astonishing sight. Bright sunlight flooded the suite from a bank of floor to ceiling glass doors on the far side of the room. It glinted off almost every surface – she’d never seen so much gold damask and chintz in one place in her life – and she could feel her retinas detaching as she stared in stunned silence at the ostentatious and grandiose furnishings.

There were the ubiquitous palms and statuary dotted around the room; the horga’hn, in various sizes, featured prominently and Kathryn noted, much to her dismay, that there were a couple of handbag sized statuettes on the coffee table – nice and close at hand should she feel the urge to distribute them.

She was going to kill Phoebe – slowly and with relish.

The bellhop arrived and placed her bags in the bedroom and the concierge was now hovering, waiting for a tip. She was tempted to give him a kick in the shins instead but gritted her teeth and delved into her handbag for a couple of credit chits. She tried her hardest to smile as she placed them in the palm of his hand but her face ached from the attempt. He gave her an alarmed look before another painfully broad smile broke across his features and in the same simpering voice, wished her a pleasant stay.

He scuttled backwards out of the suite, closing both doors as he went.

Once alone, she let her shoulders sag and heaved a weary sigh.

Tossing her handbag onto the overstuffed sofa, she took another deep breath and exhaled through tight lips. Chakotay would be arriving any minute and she had to get her head in the game before she faced him. It would be the first time they’d seen each other in several weeks and – in the understatement of the century – quite a lot had happened in the interim. They’d spoken to one another several times over the weeks since Voyager’s arrival – short, awkward work related communications – but they hadn’t spoken since the break up and she wasn’t sure how he was faring. It wasn’t difficult to imagine that he was taking it hard. He was a man of deep feelings – it was part of his appeal – but if he wanted a shoulder to cry on, she wasn’t sure she could maintain her stolid stoicism and give him the solace that he needed. She was a raw nerve and her emotional reserves were at a very low ebb.

Even so, she would try to put on a brave face and maintain her dignity, even if it killed her. Over the years, she’d become something of a master at hiding her feelings and was determined that he would never know the depth of her hurt. It was still a mystery to her how it had all come about. Of all the people with whom he could have begun a relationship, Seven was the last person on her list of usual suspects.

As far as Kathryn was aware, in the four years that Seven had been on board Voyager, she and Chakotay had barely uttered a word to one another outside of work situations and he’d made his antipathy towards the ex-drone apparent on more than one occasion. It was hard to forget that he’d initially wanted to blast the girl out an airlock and had suggested more than once that she was a lost cause and her rehabilitation was doomed to failure.

To hear news from the Admiral of their impending marriage had left Kathryn reeling and the thought of witnessing the nuptials – most likely performing the ceremony – and then having to watch them live in wedded bliss, knotted her insides painfully. She would have done just about anything to avoid the horror of that eventuality. Add to that the loss of twenty-two more of her crew and the gut wrenching tragedy of Tuvok’s illness, and she had been left with little choice but to follow Admiral Janeway’s plan to bring Voyager home.

She’d hated herself for capitulating so easily but she’d been manipulated by the best – herself no less – and as such, she was an easy mark. The Admiral knew all her secrets and which buttons to push to ensure Kathryn did what she wanted. There was no way in the universe that her elder self would consider failing in her mission. That much Kathryn knew for sure. She was still as stubborn as a Klingon twenty-six years in the future.

But there was one small positive that she took away from this encounter – as harrowing as it had been to confront her future self, it was also reassuring to know that she’d survived.

She was a tough old broad and her ability to endure served as a reminder that life would go on.

Kathryn blew out a harsh breath and again tried to clear her mind. Her head and heart had been a jumbled mess of thoughts and painful memories for hours now and she could feel a headache brewing. It was time for a breath of fresh air.

She made her way towards the central set of French doors and swung them wide before stepping out onto the balcony to take in the scenery. It was spectacular – there was no denying it. She had an uninterrupted view across Suraya Bay. A couple of small islands broke the expanse of blue before sea met horizon with another stretch of impossibly blue sky folding back towards her. A light smattering of clouds lent enough contrast to make it seem real.

If she were in a better frame of mind, she might have been more able to appreciate the abject beauty of the place but she was still a long way from calm.

Her thoughts were still a virulent jumble of bitter recriminations and blame, and the mere thought of seeing Chakotay had set up a queasy churn in her middle. She could feel the fledgling quivers and clenching tightness of panic setting in and the urge to flee was about to win over all her inner underpinnings and pledges of courage and forbearance.

Taking another deep breath that did nothing to quell the rising dread, Kathryn made up her mind. She had to leave. The calibre of a good leader was measured by their ability to know when to make a stand and when to retreat – and today was definitely a time to retreat. She would swallow her pride and head back to Earth. Phoebe and Gretchen’s chiding was nothing compared to the awkwardness and humiliation she would feel on seeing Chakotay again, especially under these circumstances. She knew it was spineless and pathetic, but this was her heart she was talking about and it wasn’t as resilient as the rest of her. It never had been.

Having made the decision, the panic began to subside but her relief was short lived.

She turned around to make her escape but jagged to a stop and yelped. _“Chakotay!”_

The man in question was standing in the doorway, his shoulder resting nonchalantly against the frame. She had no idea how long he’d been standing there watching her.

He pushed away from the jamb, gave her a broad smile and, with arms spread wide, gestured, “Surprise!”

He took a couple of steps towards her and if she didn’t know better, she could have sworn that he was about pull her into an embrace.

Good grief! If he touched her, she didn’t know what she’d do. Her ingrained response was to go on the defensive and in an instant her emotional shields were set at full deflect.

She snapped at him angrily. “What the hell do you think you’re doing sneaking up on me like that?! If I had a phaser – you’d be dead.”

He stopped in his tracks and gave her a strange look, before raising his hands in mock surrender. “Whoa! I’m sorry but I thought you knew I was here. I asked the concierge…”

She didn’t let him finish and glared at him. “In the hotel, yes, but not skulking about my room. Who the hell let you in?”

He took a step back and his mouth twisted into a humourless smile. “No one, this is my room, too. It’s a suite and I’m in the second bedroom.”

“ _What!?_ Who arranged _that?_ ” She glanced away and waved her hand in front of her. “Don’t bother answering, I know who it was and I’m never speaking to her again – except to kill her.”

Kathryn barged past him and stomped across the room towards the door. She was a mess and the impulse to flee had taken over all rational thought. Almost at the door, she suddenly remembered her handbag; she would need it for her I.D. and credits to get home. Spinning around, she tried to avoid his presence as best she could as she scanned the room for her bag.

“Is this what you’re looking for?”

He was holding her leather carryall by the shoulder strap, his arm extended towards her.

She approached him ready to snatch it from his grasp but just before she wrest it from him, he spoke. “Don’t go, Kathryn, please. This was supposed to be your vacation. I’ll leave and perhaps after you’ve had some time to yourself, we can talk. I’d like to explain what happened.”

Closing her eyes for a moment, her shoulders slumped and her hand dropped to her side before she raised her head again and met his gaze. She knew her behaviour was erratic and out of character, and she was more than a little ashamed and embarrassed by her reaction to his presence.

His remorse appeared genuine and if nothing else, she owed it to him – and to herself – to at least hear him out. It was her turn to apologise. “I’m sorry; you just took me by surprise. Of course, we can talk; just let me get a drink first.”

“Coffee?”

She almost blurted, _‘Hell no, hard liquor!’_ but held her tongue. She gave him a wan smile and muttered, “Thank you, that would be lovely.”

She’d have a whiskey or four later.

He placed her handbag back on the settee and gestured for her to move past him. “Head out onto the balcony, I’ll bring our drinks out there – we should at least watch the sunset.”

She gave him a tight smile but did as he suggested and stepped out onto the balcony. There was a table and chairs in one corner in amongst some potted palms. She took a seat in the shade and stared out across the bay.

 _Phoebe!_ She couldn’t believe that her sister would consider – let alone do, something so gauche as to arrange that she share a room with Chakotay. Did she think Kathryn was mindlessly naive or so desperate that the instant she clapped eyes on her estranged first officer, she’d fall into his arms and forget all the misery he’d caused? This wasn’t one of her cheap holo-novels; this was real-life. The fact that he was on the same planet was awkward enough; in the same room was excruciating.

Phoebe was going to need armed protection by the time Kathryn got home. Thoughts of getting her hands on that phaser were looking more and more appealing.

The whole situation was absurd.

She and Chakotay had lived in close quarters for seven years and on New Earth they’d slept mere feet from one another and neither had succumbed to the mutual attraction. Besides, that was years ago; a lot of water had flowed under the bridge since then and Phoebe was well aware that Chakotay had moved on.

Her sister’s machinations would come to naught but despite Kathryn’s bitterness and internal protestations, a small smiled tugged at the corner of her mouth as she remembered those last carefree days on New Earth. Looking out across the tropical forests of Risa, she was struck by this planet’s uncanny similarities to the dense jungles and forests of that faraway idyll. The memories calmed her a little and with a modicum of common sense levering its way under the heavy mantle of disgruntlement, she took a deep breath before making a concerted effort to embrace this rare moment of serenity. Chances were, it wouldn’t last long but she needed to get a handle on her emotions; it couldn’t be healthy for a person to be in such turmoil all the time.

Chakotay was right. They needed to talk – to clear the air – and even if it didn’t bring about the desired resolution, at least it was a jumping off point towards re-evaluating their professional as well as their personal relationship. She cherished their friendship; it had been her mainstay throughout their years marooned in the Delta Quadrant and it was too precious to let it slip away without a fight.

When they’d come to loggerheads in the past, they’d always managed to find their way to middle ground. It had been one of the particular strengths of their command style. She’d made some pretty significant mistakes over the years – as had he – and although it had more often than not been Chakotay who made the initial overtures toward repairing the rifts, it was up to her this time. She was big enough to do that. She really was.

A noise from the doorway interrupted her thoughts and she turned to see the man in question heading towards the table carrying a tray with a steaming coffee pot, mugs, a decanter of scotch and glasses. Damn, he knew her too well.

His thoughtfulness and uncanny ability to read her mind was the pin that burst her bubble of anger and she was overcome by the untimely and uncharacteristic urge to cry. Swallowing past the burning lump in her throat, she gave him a wobbly smile and shuffled further back into the shadows in the hope that he wouldn’t notice her precarious emotional state but there was little chance of that.

Her lack of control and seesawing emotions were an ongoing problem and she and Chakotay were far too attuned to one another’s moods for it to escape his attention – but there was nothing she could do about it now. The harder she tried to quash the feelings, the more unpredictable they became.

She had her suspicions as to the cause. After seven years of keeping herself under such tight rein, the bindings were finally loosening and her emotional lifeblood was pumping back into those parts of her that had been numb and lifeless while she put all her efforts into captaining Voyager. She was like a nerveless limb coming back to life; the pleasure and pain came in equal measure. It would teach her to close herself off so completely and starve her heart of the warmth and sustenance so necessary for its survival.

Chakotay met her gaze for a moment as he took the seat opposite. His eyes softened but at the same time a small frown marred his brow. She was grateful that he didn’t say anything but busied himself with pouring their drinks. He passed her a coffee and then sloshed a couple of fingers of whiskey into each tumbler and handed her one of those as well.

Lifting his glass, he encouraged Kathryn to raise hers. “I thought we should start with a toast. I don’t know about you but I need this.” With a self-conscious chuckle, he tilted his glass towards her.

Kathryn was tempted to shrug and pretend that she didn’t know what he was talking about but he would know she was bluffing – he always did.

“I couldn’t agree more.” She lifted her glass level with his. “To finding home.”

His looked puzzled. “I thought we were home?”

She wasn’t going to lie and her eyes met his in a candid stare. “Some of us are still looking.”

His frown deepened but he refrained from saying anything trite and merely tapped his glass against hers. “To finding home – soon.”

She took a healthy swig of the amber liquor. It warmed her all the way to her toes – a very welcome sensation – and then after taking a sip of coffee, she felt a little more courageous. She met his gaze once more, her voice crisp, her words clipped. “How are you, Chakotay? I heard about you and Seven.”

He shrugged, his tone even. “I’m fine; and so is Seven – in case you were wondering.”

She wasn’t sure if his words were meant as an accusation but they stung nonetheless and she glared at him. “I assumed she was. I’ve sent messages but she hasn’t responded.”

He took a slow breath. “She wasn’t sure if she should.”

Kathryn refused to buy into the guilt trip. As far she was concerned, she’d done all the right things. Perhaps her messages had been a little terse and impersonal, but why was she the one to always make the allowances?  No one seemed the least bit inclined to take her feelings into consideration. She’d been looking after everyone else’s precious psyches for the last seven years. Enough was enough, already. The anger and resentment she thought she’d so masterfully overcome surged to the surface once more.

Her words were like talons. “Seven knew where to find me. If she were that desperate to see me, it could have been arranged.”

“You’re angry with her and she knows it.”

It was a statement and although Kathryn didn’t have to answer, she was fast moving past any concern about repercussions. “Yes, I’m angry with her _and_ with you. What the hell were you both thinking?”

She saw his jaw tighten but he answered in a steady – although it sounded somewhat practiced – voice. “We were both lonely and found common ground. Seven’s an amazing young woman and a credit to you Kathryn. You should be very proud of what she’s accomplished.”

Kathryn shook her head in dismay, not wanting to believe what she was hearing or its implications. “Can you hear yourself? You can’t see anything wrong with the fact that you – _my_ best friend – were dating a young girl, with little or no experience and who was as close to me as a daughter.”

It was wrong on so many levels that Kathryn couldn’t even begin to fathom how he could be so sanguine about the concept.

He shrugged as if it were of no consequence, but avoided looking her in the eye. “It was all very innocent and although I’m willing to admit that it was a mistake, I don’t regret getting to know Seven better. I’m sorry it upset you, Kathryn, but we were both adults…”

“Barely in her case…” she snorted.

This time his eyes flashed with something dark and it translated into his sharp words. “Kathryn, I’m under no obligation to discuss any of this with you, but because I value our friendship, I’m trying to explain and apologise. If you won’t listen without interrupting, there’s nothing to be gained by continuing this conversation.”

She grudgingly admitted to herself that he had a point. She was being deliberately combative and knew that it wouldn’t achieve anything. Biting her tongue, she offered a chastened, “I’m sorry. Go on.” It was the best she could do under the circumstances.

He nodded and some of the tension left his shoulders. “In hindsight, yes, it was a mistake, but please don’t hold Seven responsible. I should have put a stop to it in the beginning but to be frank, we found we enjoyed each other’s company.”

Kathryn said nothing; all her efforts were centred on maintaining her mask of indifference.

He didn’t seem to notice and continued. “Seven’s on a steep learning curve and relationships are still something of a mystery to her. Without the dampening effects of her fail-safe device, she needs help to find her way. She asked me to impress upon you how sorry she is and that the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt or disappoint you. She had no idea that you would be upset about our relationship. She knew that you and I had a close friendship but wasn’t aware of what we had once been to one another.”

 _‘Had once been to one another’?_ Kathryn schooled her features as best she could. The bitter truth of his words rolled like razor blades through her mind. She refused to let him see how his use of the past tense had pushed the sharp wedge of disappointment to a mortal depth. It was understandable that Seven would be unaware of her feelings for Chakotay but now it appeared that he was equally oblivious.

God, could it get any worse?

Unaware of her turmoil, Chakotay continued and Kathryn fought to comprehend his words through the wash of blinding regret.

“Seven realised her mistake, we both did but she’s worried that she’s damaged beyond repair the bond that you both share. She’s trying very hard to find her way in this unfamiliar world and it’s not easy for her. She needs you, Kathryn. She hasn’t contacted you only because she’s afraid of causing you more hurt.”

Kathryn glared at him, still reeling from his earlier revelation but a pang of guilt and concern for the young woman she’d nurtured for the last four years prodded her conscience. She really did care about Seven but knowing that her own unrequited feelings had been so transparent was humiliating. The shame quashed any concern she might have felt and once again she doggedly refused to give an inch.

Her stubbornness would always be her worst enemy.

Instead of compromising, she launched a full-on offensive. Her lip curled and she gave a loud dismissive huff. “Pfhht!”

She saw his hackles rise and his lips form a grim line before he growled an expletive and shot her a hard look, ending with an angry jab at the table. “Fine! Be angry with me, rail at me if you have to – we don’t ever have to see each other again – but I’m asking you to please fix things with Seven. She relies on you, Kathryn, for so much. And although she would never admit it, she’s terrified – the press have been hounding her, Starfleet are relentless with their questioning and she thinks you’ve abandoned her. For spirit’s sake just stop and think for a moment. Not everything revolves around you.”

 _“Around me?!”_ She almost guffawed, but upon looking at him and his poorly disguised disdain, she suddenly felt very empty and very much alone. A scathing retort died on her lips. The thought of never seeing him again doused her anger, his threat hanging heavy in the air between them.

Was it too late to fix this mess? Of course she cared what happened to Seven, no doubt more than she should. She cared about all the crew – they’d been her life for the last seven years – and her obligation to them was a lifelong commitment, but she was just so tired. She didn’t have the energy for this; couldn’t he see that?

She couldn’t remember him ever being this angry with her – and maybe she did deserve it – she just didn’t know anymore.

She was willing to admit that she hadn’t been as accessible as she could have been, and yes, she’d been avoiding him and Seven, but what else was she supposed to do?

If she were braver, she would simply accept what the fates had dictated and get on with her life, but a small mutinous part of her felt she deserved at least a fighting chance at the happiness she craved.

Chakotay was still scowling at her as these thoughts ricocheted around in her brain. As sorry as she felt for Seven and as much as she regretted this impasse with Chakotay, if this ‘discussion’ continued, all she could see for herself was a life estranged from the two people whom she loved the most. There was potential here for real hurt, more than had already been inflicted, and she wasn’t willing to take that risk.

She was in love Chakotay – that much remained true – if she hadn’t been, his anger and disappointment in her wouldn’t be so devastating. Her love for him was woven into the fabric of her being and she’d thought he loved her too but it seemed that his feelings had not endured.

It was hardly surprising considering their circumstances. The years of constant stress, unending command decisions, bitter compromise and fighting tooth and nail for their survival had overshadowed all of their personal needs. Their feelings had become diluted and indistinct and, as was obvious in his case, they’d eventually dissipated. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Kathryn that he’d turned to someone else. It was inevitable.

The image of her distorted reflection in the elevator doors flashed through her mind and something inside her broke. She couldn’t bear to sit there any longer and listen to what she’d done wrong and how her all-too-apparent shortcomings had caused this rift in their friendship and Seven’s unhappiness. Maybe it was her fault but she was tired of the guilt. She was filled to overflowing with it and had been for years; there was no room for anymore.

Suddenly it all seemed so pointless and all that remained was a bone deep sadness for everything they’d squandered. Kathryn met his eyes, her look drenched in regret as she picked up her scotch and downed the last mouthful.

She stood and garnering every last ounce of courage she possessed, looked him in the eye. “I’m sorry, Chakotay, for everything; I truly am, but I just can’t do this.”

Without another word, she turned and walked back inside.

She heard him call her name. “Kathryn? _Kathryn, please_. I’m sorry.” He sounded almost panicked.

But she was moving fast and didn’t dare stop. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. She was in the corridor and almost to the lift before she heard his footsteps behind her. Pressing the call button, she prayed that the lift would arrive before she had to confront him again. This wasn’t doing either of them any good and one or both of them were destined to say something they’d regret.

Guilt and regrets – they both had enough.

The damn lift was taking forever and she could see his hazy reflection in the polished metal of the door as he approached. It looked as though luck had deserted her again and she was going to have to face him. Damn it!

Bracing herself as best she could, Kathryn turned to meet his gaze. She expected him to be furious but there was no anger in his look only a strangely haunted expression that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Regret perhaps? But that might have been wishful thinking on her part.

She noticed that he was carrying his bag and when he stopped only a foot or two away from her, there was nowhere else to look but into his eyes.

He blinked several times, his expression so filled with sadness and remorse that she inhaled sharply in response. There was a distinct waver in his voice as he spoke. “I understand, Kathryn, and I’m so sorry – more than you’ll ever know. You have every reason to be angry. I’ve been a fool and ruined everything. Please stay and give yourself some time to think. I promise not to contact you but when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”

Before she could say anything, the lift arrived – she gave it kudos for timing. He stepped past her and as the doors began closing he put his hand out to stop them. He gave her a wistful smile before leaning towards her and saying in a husky voice, “I love you, Kathryn; with all my heart I love you and I always have.”

After one last lingering look, he let go of the door and with a ‘ _ding_ ’, they snapped shut and he was gone.

Kathryn stared at her blurry reflection – wide eyes and a gaping mouth stared back at her.

What the hell was that?! She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

He loved her?!

What the hell had they been arguing about then?

Anger and recriminations, his disappointment over her treatment of Seven and _now_ he tells her he loves her?!

Why the hell couldn’t he have said so sooner?

God damn it! God damn him. She slammed her open palm against the lift door in frustration.

He loved her – _loved her!_ She hadn’t imagined it – he’d actually said it.

_He loved her and always had!_

_Fabulous!!_

Leaning her forehead against the cool metal of the lift door, she took a deep breath and then another until her heart stopped thundering in her ears. For untold seconds or it may have been minutes, time seemed to stand still and then with a whoosh, reality reasserted itself and panic set in.

She pushed herself away from the door and stared at her pale reflection. He loved her but he was leaving!?

He’d packed up and gone. What the hell was wrong with him and what in God’s name had she done?

He’d told her that he loved her. It was what she’d dreamed of for years and what she’d yearned for from the moment Earth had appeared in the forward viewscreen but she’d baulked at the first hurdle. Goddamn it! Could she be anymore contrary if she’d tried?

Neither of them would win any prizes for exemplary behaviour and, all right, he’d made a mistake, something that he’d readily admitted, but he’d also dropped everything at a moment’s notice and come all the way to Risa, without question, on her sister’s stupid invitation.  And now Kathryn had driven him away. She really was certifiable. For once, what she’d wanted had been right there for the taking and she still couldn’t let go of her damned pride.

What did she expect from him? She had no right to demand anything. No wonder her mother and sister had put their collective feet down to force her to confront some home truths. She was behaving like a spoiled brat – he was right – not everything revolved around her.

He shouldn’t have to apologise for trying to have a life just because she’d been too afraid to do the same. Neither should he have to beg for her forgiveness for having the good sense to see that life needed to be lived and not frittered away as she seemed hell bent on doing. It wasn’t a competition to see who had sacrificed the most. Maybe she would emerge victorious, but what a hollow victory it would be.

She really needed to take a good hard look at herself.

She’d been given the opportunity to put the last seven years behind her, to start afresh and to claim the future she’d dreamed of, but she’d been so caught up in bitterness and assigning blame that she’d blinkered herself to the prospects and the promise of a life with the man she loved. If they gave prizes for stupidity, she’d win hands down.

And Seven. She had been and always would be Kathryn’s responsibility. From the moment she, as captain, had made the decision to free the young drone from the Collective, it was her duty to ensure Seven’s wellbeing. She’d nurtured and cared for her, encouraged her to explore her humanity and find her own way in the world but the instant she’d done exactly that, Kathryn had withdrawn her support. It was unforgiveable and she deserved every one of Chakotay’s harsh words and rebukes. She had some apologies to make – major ones and Chakotay was top of that list.

If she could find him.

Looking up, she watched the lift’s indicator dropping floor by floor as it measured the ever-increasing distance between them. It was the impetus she needed to jolt into action. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she pushed open the fire escape door and taking the stairs two at a time, she raced down the stairwell, swinging around each landing and then running down the next flight and then the next. She had no idea how many floors she needed to descend but that would be the least of her problems. She would eventually come to the bottom and she hoped that she could find Chakotay before he left the resort or, god forbid, the planet.

At the bottom of the stairwell, she yanked open the door, stumbling on wobbly legs out into the late afternoon sunlight, before coming to a staggering halt. All around her were dense tropical gardens, but the entrance of the resort was nowhere in sight. Her frustration almost got the better of her, but there was no time to indulge in tantrums when Chakotay was about to leave the planet without her. Taking a deep breath, she gave herself a moment to get her bearings before making an executive decision to turn left. She crashed through the undergrowth until she came to a narrow roadway and then looked left and right. There were no distinguishing features on either the building or the roadway to indicate which way to go, so she took a guess and headed uphill at a run. Her instincts paid off and within moments, she rounded another corner and could see the undercover parking area where the tour-shuttles dropped off and picked up passengers. However, as luck would have it, Chakotay was climbing aboard the vehicle farthest from her.

Breathless from running, she tried to call out but he was too far away and the noise of the idling engines drowned out her voice.

She watched forlornly as the ground shuttle carrying Chakotay veered away from her in the direction of the shuttle port. Tears of frustration stung her eyes and as tempting as it was to surrender to them, she refused. She wasn’t beaten yet.

There were still options – there were always options.

Sprinting the rest of the way to the entrance, she scanned the area for some form of personal transportation but there was nothing. Then her eyes clapped onto the unpleasant visage of her sycophantic concierge.

He looked rather alarmed as she bore down upon him, but to his credit, he held his ground and presented her with a familiar rictus grin. “Admiral, may I offer some assistance, ma’am?”

Her eyes narrowed but she didn’t have time to reprimand the weasel; instead she grabbed his arm and hauled him towards the main desk. “I need an urgent beam out to the main shuttle port. Arrange it, please? _Now!_ ”

He tried to wriggle out of her grasp, but Kathryn wasn’t letting go. His grin disappeared as he attempted to cajole her. “Admiral, I’m afraid that the transporter is only for use in medical emergencies or life threatening situations.”

She leaned in a little closer and hissed in his ear. “I have a phaser in my handbag and if you don’t organise my immediate transport, _you_ are going to be getting up close and personal with a life threatening situation. Do I make myself clear?!”

He hesitated and Kathryn swung her bag forward. Still holding his arm in an iron grip, she pinned him with a deadly stare and began rifling through the carryall’s cavernous depths.

He visibly withered before capitulating without any further argument. “This way, Admiral.”

They ducked around the corner of the main desk and through a heavy unmarked door. Kathryn headed straight for the transporter’s control panel. She logged the co-ordinates for the shuttle port and climbed up onto the pad. With a nod, she indicated that the concierge should begin the beam out.

He looked up and in that familiar simpering voice, sing-songed, “Thank you for staying with Risan Sunrise Resorts and Retreats, we hope you had a pleasant stay. Come again!”

Having had the last word, he tapped the control panel and the brightly coloured walls of the resort faded around her to be replaced by the battleship grey walls of the shuttle port transporter room.

A young technician stared in astonishment as Kathryn stepped down from the platform. She realised she must look a fright after her dash down the fire escape and unexpected expedition through the jungle gardens of the resort, but she couldn’t worry about that now.

Chakotay’s shuttle bus would still be in transit so she had a little time to plan her next move. Nodding her thanks to the technician, she strode out of the room ignoring his salute as she made her way to the ticketing counter.

A deliciously wonderful plan was forming in her mind and she smiled broadly at the thought of it and of Chakotay’s reaction. She just hoped she could pull it off.

Taking a moment to pat her hair into place and straighten her clothes, Kathryn smiled and stepped up to the counter.

“Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon, Admiral.”

“I was hoping you could help me with something.”

The young woman smiled. “Certainly, how may I be of assistance?”

Kathryn took a deep breath and leaned forward resting her elbows on the counter. “Well…”

* * *

The seemingly endless line of people shuffling towards the shuttle’s loading hatch appeared to be at a standstill. Kathryn glanced out the window for what seemed like the millionth time and grumbled to herself. She wished they’d get a wriggle on.

Alone in the VIP section with a glass of champagne on the small table in front of her, a book in her lap and wearing a broad brimmed hat on her head, she waited impatiently for the rest of the passengers to board. To pass the time, she’d tried to read but it was a pointless exercise. She couldn’t concentrate. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her hands were shaking, but for the first time in weeks she knew exactly what she was doing and why. She’d never been more certain of anything in her life.

The day had not started well and had only deteriorated from there but she was hoping to end it on a high note – if people would just hurry up and get themselves on board before the end of the next goddamned millennium.

All of a sudden, there was movement behind her and she had a quick glance over her shoulder before sinking lower into her seat, snatching up her book and turning towards the window – her hat pulled low to hide her face. She waited in silence while the newly boarded passenger settled into the seat next to her before she lowered her book. With her head still slightly averted and under the cover of hat’s broad brim, she studied his profile for a moment. He looked sad but she hoped her next words would change that.

She removed her hat and addressed her neighbour, “Heading to Earth?”

The man’s head whipped around and he stared at her for a full minute before answering in a voice gruff with emotion. “Yes. You?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“So, you’re going home?”

She took a deep breath and smiled, her confidence building with each passing minute. “It’s funny you know, for a good many years I thought Earth was home but I’ve recently discovered something.” Her eyes remained welded to his. “Home isn’t necessarily a place.”

“No?”

“As the saying goes, home is where the heart is.”

He nodded slowly before asking, “And your heart?”

“It’s close by – very close, in fact. Within arm’s reach.”

He glanced at the glass of champagne on the small table in front of her before turning back and raising his eyebrows in question; a small smile hovered around the corners of his mouth.

A smile teased her lips as well and she watched his eyes crinkle at the corners. Quirking one eyebrow in what she hoped was a passable impression of their Vulcan friend, she shook her head. “No, a little closer than that.”

His smile broadened as she turned in her seat, tossing the hat and book aside before she rested her hand in the middle of his chest. He placed his hand over the top of hers and enquired, “Here?”

Again, she shook her head, her smile broadening as he gave her a questioning frown.

In answer, she slid her hand from his chest and grasping his hand, she held it gently between her own. Without lowering her eyes, she stroked her fingers over his open palm, lifted it to her mouth and placed a lingering kiss in the centre. She carefully curled his fingers closed, still cradling his loosely clenched fist in her hands. “It’s here. Safe, in the palm of your hand.”

Her voice was husky with feeling and she could see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. He swallowed hard and blinked several times. “I will cherish it always and guard it with my life.”

“You always have.”

“I love you so much, Kathryn.”

“I love you too, Chakotay, and I should have told you years ago; it would have saved us a lot of grief.” After slipping her hand into his loosely clenched fist, she wove her fingers through his in that well-remembered gesture and, after taking a deep breath, she leaned in close. “Will you come home with me?”

He breathed a sigh and smiled, his free hand coming to rest on her cheek, his thumb caressing her jaw. “Kathryn, I’ve been coming home with you for over seven years, I’m not about to stop now.” Lifting their clasped hands to his mouth, he kissed her fingers before squeezing her hand tight. “I’m so sorry about everything. I wish I could have done it differently.”

Kathryn shook her head. “Me, too, but let’s not dwell on it anymore, and no more apologies. We both had our moments, but it’s over now and as much as it pains me to say it, thanks to Phoebe we have this opportunity for a new beginning.”

“I like the sound of that.” He nodded and leant forward.

Kathryn’s eyes fluttered closed as their lips met in what began as a chaste kiss. It was meant to soothe and reassure but the instant they touched, something extraordinary ignited between them. He tugged her closer, his lips pressing hard against hers as her mouth opened and they shared the sweet heat of their first kiss.

A small whimper escaped her and she dragged herself away from him. If they stayed here much longer, they were going to make a spectacle of themselves and although she might pretend not to care, Starfleet would not be as forgiving of that sort of publicity. But reputations aside, the fire had been lit and nothing short of a Borg invasion was going to stop what was about to happen.

Famous for thinking on her feet, Kathryn took the reins once more.

Leaning forward, she caught the steward’s attention.

“Yes, Admiral?”

“The Commander and I have been urgently recalled to the resort, could you organise our transport, please?”

“Certainly. If you would make your way back to the transporter room, I’ll call ahead and we can have you back at the resort in five minutes.”

Kathryn nodded. Minutes? It couldn’t be soon enough. “Thank you. You’ll forward our luggage?”

“Yes ma’am.”

As soon as the steward moved away, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. She’d made another assumption without asking him what he wanted to do. Her eyes softened. “Are you okay with this?”

His fingers skittered down her arm, making her shiver. He noticed and grinned. “You need to ask?”

She smiled in return, making note of his heated look and the broad smile lighting his face. “I guess not. Let’s go, Commander.” Taking his hand, she tugged him to his feet, and together they hurried towards the exit.

The steward was pretty accurate in his prediction. Four minutes and forty-seven seconds later they were back in the foyer of the hotel, dodging the overly solicitous concierge’s attentions and making a bee-line for the lifts.

Kathryn smiled as she watched their approaching reflections in the mirrored doors. It was a very different experience this time. She looked happy and Chakotay was by her side – the sad and lonely woman from this morning was nowhere to be seen.

Once they were alone in the lift, the temptation to fall into each other’s arms was almost overwhelming, but although their restraint was tenuous and their need spiralling out of control, after seven years of waiting and wanting, neither wished to rush the sweetness of this final step. The long moments were as excruciating as they were exquisite. The tension built to violin string tautness as the lift rose ever so slowly to the penthouse level.

The doors opened and they burst from the confines, and almost at a run, made their way up the corridor towards their room.

Kathryn pushed the doors open but stopped on the threshold and turned towards Chakotay. She took a deep, unsteady breath and lifted her hand to cup his cheek.

“I love you.”

He smiled and nodded. “I know and I won’t ever tire of hearing you say it. I love you, too.”

Kathryn shook her head. “I don’t know why you do but I’m not about to argue.”

“Now there’s a first.” He grinned and taking her hand, he pressed it against his chest and took a small step towards her. He caressed her cheek with his other hand. “Kathryn, we’ve known one another for almost seven years and we’ve seen the best and worst of each other during that time. We’re neither of us saints but together we’ve found something unique; a love and commitment to one another that binds us and makes us strong. It has survived through all the good times and the bad times, too, and I know it will see us through the remainder of this life.” He looked into the room before leaning forward and pressing gentle lips against her forehead. The urgency of the moment had ebbed a little but he wasn’t finished yet, so she waited until he could gather his thoughts. “I know we still have issues to iron out, and a lot of talking to do. If you want to wait or think about this some more, I’m happy to step back for the moment. I want you to be sure.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “You think I’m trying to weasel out of this?”

“No, not at all, but this is a big step and I would understand…”

She refused to let him finish the sentence, let alone the thought. “Not as big a step as you think.” With that she wound her arms around his neck and jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist. He staggered, surprised by her forthright move, but it took him only a split second to get with the program.

She laughed at his astonishment, and he grinned from ear to ear, hauling her flush against him as he took a decisive step through the doors and kicked them closed behind him.

The loud click of the privacy lock echoed up the empty corridor.

* * *

Kathryn pressed a soft kiss to Chakotay’s chest before she gingerly lifted his arm from where it lay across her breasts. Sliding out of bed, being careful not to wake him, she smiled as he reached for her in his sleep and rolled into the warmth on her side of the bed. He muttered something unintelligible before settling back into a deep slumber. After hours of love making, he was exhausted.

Standing by the bed, she slipped her dressing gown on and as she slowly tied the sash around her waist, she watched him sleep. He was a sight to behold and as she took her fill of him, a contented smile softened her lips as her eyes wandered down his body. The sheet was draped low over his hips and a broad expanse of naked chest beckoned her to return to the bed to make love again, but she had something to do first and it couldn’t wait until morning.

Tiptoeing out of the bedroom, with a soft click, she shut the doors behind her and made her way across the living area to the large bureau in the corner. She rolled back the top, and activated the communication console. She checked the chronometer once more and recalculated the time difference. Confident that it was an acceptable time of day, she hit the call button.

A moment later, Seven’s face appeared on the screen, her eyes widening in surprise as she recognised her caller.

“Hello, Seven.”

“Captain! I mean, Admiral. I was not expecting… I did not…”

An acute twinge of guilt plucked at Kathryn’s heart; it was a rare thing to see Seven lost for words and she cursed herself for her lack of compassion for the young woman’s plight over the previous weeks. To cover her discomfort, she gave her a gentle smile. “I know I should have spoken to you sooner. I apologise for being so difficult to contact.”

Seven’s shoulders relaxed and her features softened. “The Doctor and the Commander explained your dilemma regarding your debriefings and promotion. However, it is very gratifying to speak to you now.”

“It’s good to speak to you, too, Seven. I’ve missed you.”

Kathryn watched Seven swallow and could have sworn she saw a glimmer of tears in the young woman’s eyes. “I have also missed your presence _and_ guidance but I understood your need for solitude. As I said, the Doctor has been assisting me to navigate these unsettled weeks.”

There was nothing Kathryn could say to that but she gave her and encouraging smile nonetheless. “I’m pleased to hear that you’ve had friends close by.”

“His help has been most welcome.” Seven paused for a moment and then seemed to come to some sort of decision. “He suggested that I speak to you about my short-lived relationship with Commander Chakotay. I have come to realise that we both showed a severe lack of forethought and the emotional bond I thought the Commander and I shared was not a valid one. It was based on poor judgement and inexperience. I should have known better. I owe you an apology, Admiral.”

“No, Seven, you don’t. You did nothing wrong. You had every right to pursue a relationship with whomever you pleased. My only wish was that you had discussed it with me beforehand, but I should have been there for you and I’m sorry I was so distant.”

Seven took a deep breath and a small smile played around the corners of her mouth. She simply nodded.

Kathryn matched her smile. “I know we have much to discuss and a lot of catching up to do. However, I’m on Risa at the moment and I think it would be wise to wait until I am back on Earth. It’s also very late and I should get some sleep. I just wanted to make contact; to see how you are and make sure you were all right.”

“I am well and although my initial weeks on Earth were somewhat unsettling, in recent weeks I have transferred to Jupiter Station. The isolation better suits my disposition. Doctor Zimmerman, with the Doctor’s assistance, is now in charge of the analysis of my cybernetic systems. This situation is much less stressful and I feel quite content and at… home here.”

“I’m happy for you, Seven.”

Kathryn watched the young woman hesitate but in typical Seven style, she barrelled on. “Are _you_ happy, Admiral?”

It was hard not to smile at the young woman’s guilelessness. “Yes, Seven, I am very happy.”

“The Commander is there with you?”

Kathryn glanced over her shoulder towards the bedroom before turning back to the console. “Yes, he is.”

“And you have resolved your differences?”

Again, Kathryn failed to stifle a smile. “Yes, we have resolved our differences.”

Seven took a deep breath and looked immensely relieved. “I am very pleased for you, Admiral, and for the Commander.”

“Thank you, Seven.”

“I should let you retire. Enjoy your vacation, Admiral, and I will look forward to seeing you when you return.”

“You, too, Seven. Say hello to the Doctor for me.”

“I shall. Good night.”

“Good night, Seven.”

The light from the console faded, drowning the room in darkness until Kathryn’s eyes adjusted. Feeling better about having spoken to Seven, Kathryn closed the bureau lid and stood. She turned to make her way back to the bedroom but stopped, placed her hands on her hips and smiled.

Standing in the open doorway was Chakotay. He was leaning against the jamb, wearing only his boxers and a broad smile. “I woke up and you were gone.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer to speak to Seven. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “No more apologies, remember? How is she?”

“She’s fine.” Kathryn glanced at the bureau, her smile widening as she turned back towards him.

He opened his arms and without hesitating, she walked across the room and into his embrace. He enfolded her in his arms and then kissed her neck, pulling the collar of her dressing gown aside, so he could nuzzle and nip at the soft skin of her shoulder.

She arched her neck and sighed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I know, but I’m glad you did.”

Her hand found its way to his cheek; the rough stubble of his day-old beard tingled under her fingertips and she revelled once more in the freedom of being able to touch him how and when she wanted. It was a heady feeling.

She pulled back a little and looked into his eyes. The light of Risa’s two moons illuminated their dark depths and standing on her toes, she kissed him with all the passion she could muster and then suggested in a husky voice, “Let’s go back to bed.”

Without waiting for his answer, she stepped out of his arms and tugged on the sash of her dressing gown as she glided past him. She let it slide off her arms and float to the floor as she continued in her naked glory through the open bedroom doors.

She didn’t have to look behind her to know that he was following; the soft whoosh of the closing doors heralded his presence and as his arms slid around her from behind, she arched back into him and sighed.

Her last coherent thought before she surrendered to the warmth of his lips and the touch of his agile hands was that she owed Phoebe big time.

fin


End file.
